I AM NOT WHAT I THINK I AM
Updated: Aug 10
I am not what I think I am. My physical body, thoughts, emotions, perceptions, all of this is within me, I can observe and feel it, but I am not that.
The attachment to identity, to what I believe I am, my ego or character structure, is based on conditioning, on what I have been told from the outside and believed, based on external experiences and the family's genetic information.
A child is innocent and takes everything in, without distinguishing between what is nourishing or destructive. Thus, the child, out of fear of being rejected by the family or clan (out of the instinct for survival), submits to the external demands of conditioned love. And as an adult, they continue to seek that unconditional love or "paradise" from which they came and lost. Hence, the idea of separation is born, so as not to feel the genuine wound of not having been taken as I was, as I am.
The rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice, or humiliation we experienced and convinced ourselves to never experience again, are the result of our subjective perception of the events we lived. The child cannot understand, for example, that mom is stressed and responding with a harsh tone; the child interprets that they are bad, guilty. And the paradox is that, as adults, mom and dad are no longer there, and it is ourselves who continue to perpetuate this wound, believing in the internal program of guilt or devaluation.
By following this path, we will not heal the wound. If we continue to seek externally what was denied to us, what was lacking, whether it be attention, acceptance, recognition for who we are, we will never fill that void, that lack. And from that past, these patterns that govern our lives, submerged in the unconscious, project into the future, ensuring that we will continue to blindly run in the same circle of dissatisfaction and suffering. From the egoic mind, from identity, there is no escape.
The only way is inward. Allowing ourselves to feel what we didn't dare to feel at that time, to express, to cry out, to cry the pain until something breaks inside, visiting our own hell. By emptying ourselves of what has been repressed, we create new inner spaces, new openings, allowing the river of energy to flow again. Understanding how we limit and block ourselves by giving away power to the external world – thoughts, family, partners, society. Shedding light on the darkness, making the unconscious conscious. Taking responsibility for our lives and deciding what we want to do with what happens to us in every moment. Facing our fears to allow ourselves to live the life we want to live because we deserve it. Understanding who or what we truly are in depth, realizing that everything has been necessary to learn to love ourselves as we are, with our light and shadows, and to recover the lost kingdom, consciousness, to live from our Being. Thus, gratitude is born, understanding all that life has given us and continues to give, understanding the game. And so, we begin to turn outward, able to give to others from our fullness.
It is a journey for heroes and heroines, which extends throughout our lives. Some resist, others flourish. Thus, we mature and transition from unconscious children to conscious men and women.
I am not the content but the container, the internal space where perceptions take place. This is where the transformative shift of life occurs, understanding this broader and deeper change in perception. I am a manifestation of Consciousness, Divinity, Universal Energy, Unity, Creator... and many other names that have emerged throughout history to name the unnamable.
By Marta Masanés.
Holistika Center organizes spiritual and transformative retreats. We base our work on expanded states of consciousness and sacred plants.